Fifty Shades Of Grey And More Shades Of Boredom

What are you waiting for……. For this movie to get over. 😛

I have never been *this bored* while watching a film and wasted 2 hours of my precious life to watch this blank reel of celluloid or digital imprints. Let alone, a film that went through every possible method to receive publicity, unintentional of course. Like the petition that demanded Matt Bomer and Alexis Bledel to be cast as Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele respectively. We have been demanding a lot of things for the sake of human rights and injustice, but none of it was able to draw in signatures as quickly as this particular petition. Anyway, then cast Charlie Hunnam (as the “intriguing” Christian Grey) made the logical decision, that is to drop out of this film. It saved his career. Now, back to the review.

Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) is a literature student asked to interview the entrepreneur Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan) by his journalist friend and roommate Kate (Eloise Mumford). Why would a journalist ask a literature student to do the interview? Someone who looks awkward and emotionless in every way? Why not ask another journalist? Anastasia is visibly attracted to Christian and he sees her as his prey for BDSM. Seriously, I don’t what else I could make of this look.


Christian and Anastasia have a boring conversation, then she goes out in the rain overcome with lust for Christian Grey. Then we see a series of instances that clearly highlights everything that is wrong with the romantic aspect of this movie.

  • Stalking; Christian literally follows here wherever she goes, giving her a fright occasionally.
  • Moral policing hypocrisy; Ana gets drunk and calls Christian who asks her to go home, but it doesn’t stop him from being stalker or abusive.
  • Girl cringing at the gifts offered to her; saying “I have to send it back” doesn’t make one humble or understanding or matured.
  • Physical abuse; that’s what the sex scenes show. At one point Christian hits her behind and she smiles, trying to highlight the “romance”. I was thinking how laughable and lame it is.
  • Overprotection; the phenomenon itself.
  • A hero who doesn’t do romance and a heroine who simply don’t care. The movie is about how Christian tries to convince Ana to be his sex slave as he is practising BDSM.


The movie is one of the biggest April fool jokes for someone who witnessed all the hype in social media. The entire film is nothing but a bare space with a piece of a plot cut into pieces, scattered here and there, making no sense as to why it became a blockbuster. I fell asleep after the first 30 minutes.


The movie is so boring even for those who might expect a bit of drama in terms of the S&M stuff. It is no secret that 50 shades of Grey are inspired by the vampire romance novel Twilight, which looks like war and peace compared to 50 shades of grey, just like what Mr Rushdie said. It is, again, no secret that author E. L James wrote the initial draft in her Blackberry phone, which explains the quality of the plot. While Twilight is criticized as Stephanie Meyer’s sexual fantasy with no well-polished plot, 50 shades of Grey is probably the result of E.L James’s hatred toward strong female characters or her lack of awareness about this little thing called consent. While the book highlights the abusive aspect of Grey and Steele’s relationship, the movie shows how dumb Miss Steele is. In plain and simple English Christian expresses his lack of interest to romance and dating. He even mentioned (indirectly) that he is a sadist who could get his orgasm by giving the best “punishment” he could to his sexual partner. It took her weeks to understand that and ask all the ‘why…’ that should have been asked at the very beginning, i.e. long before they had sex for the first time. The dialogues are cheesy the conversation scenes are cheesier; not to mention the “50 shades of f***ed up” dialogue. Dakota Johnson tried her level best to make her biggest career opportunity to look impressive. She’s done a good job in other films like black mass (2015) and social network (2010). Personally, I thought she might be better than Kristen Stewart’s depiction of Anastasia’s original version, Bella Swan. Nope! Johnson hardly stretched the muscles near her eye region or stressed her vocal cord, which is absolutely essential to express emotions.


…whenever she is supposed to, but widely otherwise. Her 20-minute presence in need for speed (2014) was better than her performance in this entire film. Even then, she is the only person who managed to have a lively presence. Jamie Dornan is the least impressive actor in this movie who makes the playboy part of Grey look shallow. His voice is raw and black eyes looked like two stones that are immovable. Christian Grey is supposed to be charming and intriguing, like Edward Cullen. Although Robert Pattinson’s acting reminded the critics of a shovel, he looked good enough for a charming seductive vampire. In Grey’s case, they failed. For once, I agree with the fans, Matt Bomer was a better choice as his blue eyes shined better to give him a perfect playboy appearance. The only advantage I can think of is that Dornan did have richness in terms of his appearance, gestures, and attires. Seeing Marcia Gay Harden for a couple of minutes was a relief but even then it was another ‘April fool’. Supporting characters have no depth, what else is expected when the leads have no personality of their own. The time is wasted on Grey’s stalking activities, the unnecessary “meetings”, phone texting and showing Steele’s naive nature. The character depth that was initially introduced for Christian Grey was not polished well enough to have the impact, i.e. the storyline about his childhood and the truth about his mother.

Sam Taylor Johnson’s direction just went through whatever is written in the script, seemingly, with the lack of extra creative inputs. The erotic scenes are plain with no emotions. Christian is visibly not satisfied with the activities, as he is a sadist but what about Ana? Both Dornan and Johnson looked as if they are forced into it and it is well visible.  But there are good cinematographic moments, like the helicopters shots, the woods sequence, and the initial meeting. The editing reduced the pace of this film to the extent where people find it boring. However, the best part or the only factor that redeemed the quality of this film is the songs, especially Love me like you do. Other than that, there’s nothing to look forward to, this includes the erotic content that a typical fan anticipates. So, fifty shades of grey highlight every shade that is wrong in terms of film making, right from the performance of the cast members to the structuring; in that way, the movie could be used for a case study.

Featured image: allhdwallpapers

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